December Journal.

December. The official start of summer and silly season where socialising as much as humanly possible is the aim of the game before it all culminates with a sit down Christmas lunch or dinner with your family and close relatives. No wonder we need an intense hibernation period in the winter to recover. Don't get me wrong, socialising and celebrating life is what it's all about, but this need to be/feel/look busy in December is overwhelming for everyone. So much so that I feel the best days of the month are the ones between Christmas and New Years when you don't know what day it is and you don't care because you're done with commitments.

It was a strange and almost ominous start to the summer season this time around. Instead of the usual excitement, it seems like the air was permeated with anticipation and anxiety. Australia and in particularly New South Wales, had already been facing terrible bushfires for a few weeks by the beginning of December. The smoke in Sydney has been at times thick and dense, others it's been light, but always there, always a reminder. As we now know, those bushfires got worse, a lot worse, and many people have lost their homes and an unfathomable amount of habitat and wildlife has been destroyed. It's heartbreaking.

This year Levi and I had access to a car and decided to do a road trip up to the Gold Coast for Christmas, where both of our families live. We took two nights to get up there from Sydney and camped along the way in Seal Rocks and Red Cliff in the Yuraygir National Park. I definitely have a soft spot for both of these places - Seal Rocks is incredibly beautiful and has no phone reception, and Red Cliff was right by the ocean and was home to so many friendly kangaroos. After spending a few days at home on the Gold Coast for Christmas and catching up with friends, we headed to the Sunshine Coast for a few days with Levi's family before making the drive back south. After hearing so much about Bellingen from others over the last month, we decided to stop and camp there for the night. Bellingen must be the greenest place in Australia at the moment, everything was so green and lush. It was more inland so there was no beaches, but plenty of rock pools to swim in. For the last night we went to check out a campsite in the Crowdy Bay National Park. I had known that there was bushfires in the National Park back in October so we weren't sure if it would be operating. Driving through all of the burnt out area of the park was incredibly eerie and sad. All of these big beautiful trees were turned completely black. Some trees that looked like they'd grown tall for hundreds of years were torn from the earth. It was all incredibly depressing. The campsite was incredibly windy so we decided to try somewhere else when from the highway we saw a bushfire had started. The smoke was billowing high and thick into the sky and there was, in comparison, a tiny helicopter releasing water onto the flames. I've never seen anything like it before. We set up camp at the Bulahdelah Showgrounds for the night, before heading to Newcastle early the next morning for a swim (surf for Levi) and then heading back to Sydney for New Years Eve. It was the best ten days on the road. I absolutely loved camping and the freedom that comes with no plans, but needing to make plans, and stocking up on supplies and not knowing when we'll need more, and stopping at service centres like everyone else to get petrol and snacks for the road.

After the drive home, and the unpacking, the unpacking (!), we were pretty tired by the time the evening rolled around. Strong winds came through in the early evening of New Years Eve so we stayed in our apartment and had some drinks and snacks with Levi's friend Stu, before heading down to Rushcutters Park to see the 9pm fireworks. Stu left for another party and I had a nap before Levi woke me up at 11.30pm to head down and see the midnight fireworks. Despite all of the controversy around having the fireworks when the fire danger is so high, they were incredibly spectacular and I can see why people travel to Sydney for the occasion.

~ New In - The Secondhand Edition ~

Aside from Christmas gifts for my family, I didn't buy anything new or for myself in December. I was given a pair of Lululemon bike shorts and a training tank as my Christmas present but other than that nothing new has entered my life. ALTHOUGH, I have these nice Fella swimmers that I bought last year in this gorgeous pale blue, but they have gone all dirty! I have washed them, soaked them with no way of getting the 'dirty' discolouration out. I kind of can't stand to look at them which is frustrating because I lie on a towel and swim in the ocean and that's it! I don't know where these marks have come from!! Looking for swimmers is always so difficult and something I wouldn't be comfortable buying second hand... same with activewear. It's a bit weird.

~ Read, watched & listened ~

Joe Rogan podcast - we listened to Joe Rogan for most of our road trip, except for the occasional High Low episode I snuck in. I actually really enjoy Joe's podcast and his voice, I find, is very calming. He has the most fascinating conversations with people. My two favourite episodes were with Chuck Palahniuk and Johann Hari.

~ Eats ~

In our last days at work before the holidays we ventured out of our usual perimeter of food options to try out a new but different kebab shop called Shwarmama in Surry Hills. Everything about Shwarmama was minimal and quality. I had the falafel pita and it was packed with salad and sauce. The falafel itself was cooked fresh on the spot, which I love so much when they do that! The fries also had this delicious seasoning on them. I will definitely be going back in the NY.

x.

November Journal.

November. I have a very strong belief in that everything happens for a reason. Things happen to teach you something, to make you grow, to protect you, to challenge you, to keep you evolving. Last month I wrote of October being a month of rest and taking life slow. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I know I needed that month to charge my batteries for what was ahead. I feel like I've had some pretty big months this year, but November takes the cake. It wasn't all bad, in fact, I spent lots of time celebrating life, housewarmings, babies and birthdays with some of my best friends in Sydney and couldn't be more grateful to have such wonderful people in my life.

I also found myself at a funeral, for the third time this year, and dealing with the loss of someone who had played a part in my every day working life for the last six years. My friend had lived a big and full life but met a swift end after his long battle with cancer intensified. He was someone that I looked up to very much, I enjoyed being in his company, hearing his stories - he was the most brilliant story teller I have ever encountered - and learning the tricks of the trade from him. On hearing how ill he was when he was admitted to palliative care, I didn't want to see him in a frail state and that be my last memory of him. I was also so overwhelmed with emotion and not knowing what to say, and fear that I might just combust into tears, that I thought I would let him go and remember him the last time I saw him, when he was jovial and happy, but concealing his illness. Sometimes I don't know what is best for myself and I need to be pushed by others who know better than me. I am so deeply moved that I have people in my life who spot me and push me to correct course because they know me that little bit better than I know myself. Hamish made me go to the hospital to say my goodbyes with him and I will never forget those last moments we all had together as a little work team. Saying goodbye forever is never easy but I now know to take the opportunity when it comes because it is so important to let the people in your life know that you love them and care about them. I will hold those moments, and my friendship with Hamish, close forever.

In the midst of helping where we could with the things that needed to be arranged, I went back to the Gold Coast for less than 24 hours to see my beautiful youngest sister graduate high school. My Mum had my sister when I was 12 years old and despite being all grown up and finished high school, she is still a baby to me. Occasions where we can get together as a family unit are rare, and for a good reason, but there is always something special about the five of us just being together for whatever time Mum and Dad can manage not to hate one another. We were even able to get a family photo together, which is the first one we've had since Ruby graduated high school nearly six years ago.

Despite all of the heaviness and melancholy this month, and as with life, there was still room for delight and enjoyment. The jacaranda trees on our street, and all across Sydney, exploded with their beautiful purple flowers. The millions of green jasmine bushes burst into white with their tiny flowers giving off the most exquisite scent. Feeding the pair of lorikeets who come to visit us daily. Creating an Instagram Story of my sourdough bread making process that so many people have reached out to me to say they loved it. Discovering a cool cafe near our place and making the effort to go once a week in the morning before work to have coffee and catch up. Trying out reformer pilates and living to tell the story.

Levi and I also found some time to walk to the Art Gallery of NSW to see the free public art exhibition that was on. The act of going to the Gallery, especially in times of grief and hardship, always give me solace, comfort and a small sense of wonder that becomes the spark of reigniting the fire burning within. Whether it is music, paintings, writing, film, comedy - these art practices play such a huge and important role to not only me personally, but to community, culture, society and life itself. Art, in all of its disciplines, is created by human beings who are trying to express and make sense of our existence. After all, Prince said it best with the lyric "Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to get through this thing called life" and what better way to do it than by enjoying art in all of its forms.

Throughout the month I let go of some of my healthy habits to see how I feel without them. Which is code for saying that my Headspace subscription is up and I haven't renewed it, and I've hardly been to yoga. At first I didn't notice anything different about whether I meditated or not, but as it's now been a couple of weeks I can see just how much meditation helps keep me focused, calm and clear. Even sitting down to write this journal has been false-start after false-start by all of the little distractions that my mind has come up with to get me "ready" to write - e.g. watch a video to inspire you, open blog, make tea, sit down, start writing, kettle goes off, get up again, sit back down, write a few more words, now I'm hungry, make breakfast, eat breakfast whilst watching videos to get you in the mood to write, now ready to write again, wait, no, you need to clean up your bowl etc etc. The best I have felt this whole year is when I was doing that two-week High Vibrational Challenge and I think about that a lot, and how I want to get back there. I just need to act upon it.

~ New In - The Secondhand Edition ~

There were actually two new things that I brought this month. As my closet is predominantly black and white, I needed something colourful to wear to the funeral. He loved colour so I wanted to wear something subtle but not black so I bought pink Lee Mathews top that was on sale. After purchasing it I realised that it might not arrive in time for the funeral so I ordered another midi-length dress as a back up. I found the whole idea of dressing for this funeral so stressful because I didn't want to wear black, and it needs to be appropriate, but I didn't really like anything that I found online or in-store. I ended up wearing the dress, and not being able to return the top so I kept both. Now I don't really want to wear the dress again so I'm not sure what I'll do with it... maybe just keep it for now and sell it down the track.

~ Read, watched and listened ~

The Sunday papers - I have been making an effort to buy The Sunday Telegraph and The Sun-Herald on Sundays to keep up-to-date with news, current affairs, and the industry that I work in.

The Crown - season three - The new era of The Crown didn't disappoint. I love the new cast and am fascinated by Prince Charles and Princess Anne's early 20s. One criticism that I have is that I feel the viewer has missed a lot of character progression and growth.

~ Eats ~

Primary Coffee's incredible, crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside choc-chip cookie with flakes of salt on top. I want to eat one every day.

x.

October Journal.

Levi and I getting a good photo together is a once in a blue moon event so we have to make the most of it when we do!

October. I feel like October was a very intense work month, but in a productive way. Work has been good and challenging and fulfilling lately. I've been enjoying it.

As for my real life, it was pretty low-key throughout October. I have been prioritising weekends with little to no plans, to make way for taking it easy. Slow morning starts, reading in bed, visiting the park, having a coffee, and then getting another. It's been a month of that kind of thing.

There was one big weekend where we went to the beautiful wedding of Yvette and Dave, then I kept the celebrations going by heading to Hamish's birthday afterwards, and then finishing up at 4am on the famed Oxford Street. Sometimes, you need a big night out. You need a dance. You need to get naughty and let it all go and leave it on the alcohol-soaked floor. Despite being a zombie the following day, I still managed to make two loaves of bread and my lunch for the week so it wasn't all bad.

Our friends Meg and Ben came down to Sydney and we got to show them our new place and neighbourhood which was really fun!

Levi and I also went to The Other Art Fair and walked away crushing over two artists: Michael Stiegler and Marisa Mu.

The month finished with two black tie work events within two days. I'd never been to a black tie event before and then suddenly I had two back-to-back!

~ New in - The Secondhand Edition ~

Camilla & Marc full length dress from eBay ($175) - because of said two black tie events, I needed a black tie dress. I looked into hiring one, but didn't find anything I really liked. I thought I'd try my luck on eBay and the secondhand fairies were on my side - I snapped up a beautiful full-length Camilla & Marc dress in excellent condition for a small fraction of the RRP, AND to recoup costs I have uploaded it to the dress sharing site Designerex!

Sol Sana white high heels ($190) - the Camilla & Marc dress called for open toe heels, which I don't own a pair of. I have been thinking for some time now that I should buy a second pair of high heels to interchange with the black closed toe pair I bought from Sportsgirl and have been flogging since I moved to Sydney nearly six years ago! Levi always says that you should spend money on good shoes so I followed his advice and splurged on this white, block heel, pair of sandal heels. They're simple, very comfortable (surprisingly) and classic. I know I will have them for at least another six years, and have already worn them three times within the first week of owning them!

~ Read, watched and listened ~

Baby - Season Two - I haven't binge-watched in such a long time but I couldn't resist starting and finishing season two of Baby in 48 hours. Baby is an Italian Netflix Original, that has been dubbed in english, about two high school girls from a wealthy area of Rome who at first unknowingly, then knowingly, fall into prostitution. Once you get past the english dubbing, a thrilling and often shocking storyline awaits, accompanied by beautiful cinematography and a killer synth-driven soundtrack that you'll need to seek out on Spotify!

~ Eats ~

Kindred, Darlington - A really quaint restaurant on busy Cleveland Street serving delicious homemade Italian. The homemade sourdough is the benchmark I hope to get my own bread to, and the carrot triangoli was sublime.

Levi's bibimbap bowl that he made at home, plated up, and then we took it down to the park for lunch. I love our little apartment by the park life so much.

x.

September Journal.

September. Is 'spring has sprung' the most overused phrase in September? Quite possibly. I suppose it's also another way of saying 'thank god we've made it to the other side of winter'. Both expressions reflect my current state of feelings for the month that was. The sun is rising that bit earlier (hello imminent day light savings), the days are a little warmer, and fractionally longer, and everyone just seems to have a bit more of a spring in their step... pun shamelessly intended. 

To pick up where we left off last month, with a sourdough starter coming into my possession, I think I've discovered a whole new passion in bread making. Whenever someone asks me "what have you been up to?" I reply excitedly saying "making sourdough bread" like it's an achievement of the same status as moving home or getting a new job. Like most good things that end up happening for me, I was really nervous before starting the bread making process. Mostly it's a fear of failure, which is probably my biggest fear if we're being honest, and if I failed making the bread, then the whole exercise would have been for nothing. After combining all of the ingredients and then kneading the dough I felt like I knew my bread was going to be somewhat of a success. Pulling out the golden loaf from the oven and hearing that hallow sound as you tap the bread was like winning the lucky door prize when you never win anything. For a moment there I felt so silly for having doubted myself and for having let my irrational fear of failure infiltrate something as meditative, enjoyable and humbling as making bread.

Since then, there have been some challenges with my breads not really rising so I've had to adjust my starter and things seems to be working better now. I've also started experimenting with making olive loaf, and plan on making a potato and rosemary bread very soon. 

The other highlight of the month was my trip to Brisbane and most notably staying at the divine Calile Hotel. It was an Instagram influencer's playground and aesthetically pleasing to all of my senses. From the marble and gold detailing throughout the lobby, to the curved archways in the room and the brass finishings in the bathroom all the way down to the pool and it's chic daybeds and matching umbrellas, the level of design and detail everywhere you turned was both thrilling and assuring. I truly felt like a queen staying for two nights at the hotel. It was worth every single cent. To make it all the more special it was Ruby and I who were staying and we had a lovely girls weekend. We went to GOMA, had a long lunch that turned into dinner at Greca, and then saw one of our favourite bands, The 1975, the following night. Brisbane had a real vibe to it that even Sydney seems to be lacking at the moment. I will most definitely be going back!

It wasn't all perfect breads and perfect interiors, there were some lows as well. At the beginning of the month I had some really intense feelings that everything I owned was gross and old and that I in turn was gross and dishevelled. I really feel this pressure, mostly put on by myself, of having to look and dress and speak a certain way to be worthy of my job and where I live. These sentiments were mostly true of my activewear and how it would make me feel getting ready to go and exercise. I knew going into my self imposed 'buy nothing new' year that I already needed to upgrade my activewear back in December. In my defence, I hadn't bought new activewear in over three years. It's not something I feel the need to be 'on trend' with because exercising to me isn't something that is a show. It's about moving my body and keeping it fit, healthy and strong. But my clothes were really starting to show their age and making me feel sloppy and unkempt every time I got dressed to go and exercise which isn't very nice. I knew I had to upgrade things and so I did. I recycled some of my old tops by cutting them up into rags to use around the house... yep, that's how bad they were! My new items, whilst not ideal and not in line with my goal this year, have made me feel better about myself when I get dressed to go and workout. And in turn, have made exercising all the more enjoyable again. I also haven't thought about wanting to buy anything new since I made those purchases. In fact, a part of me feels like I might even have my capsule wardrobe in a really good place now.

I'm also happy to report that I stuck with my meditation and morning routine for most of the month. I'm really enjoying having cared for myself and my personal interests before I set out into the day. It's a fairly simple practice - wake up, make tea, meditate, then drink tea and read a book - and I think that's what has made it work. I was so worried when I was doing the High Vibration Challenge last month that I didn't have a 'ritual' but I do, it just took me some time to realise those small things, and doing them daily makes a ritual - A series of actions or type of behaviour regularly and invariably followed by someone.

~ New In - sadly not the secondhand edition this time... ~

Girlfriend Collective set - I bought the Compressive High Rise leggings in black and the Topanga bra in black. I love this set so much, it's incredibly comfortable, the leggings really suck you in and make you feel supported, and both pieces are made with recycled plastic bottles and came in plastic free packaging. Plus you can send the garments back to GC when they've lived their life so they can be recycled!

P.E Nation singlet and t-shirt - I bought the Shuffle Tank (white) and the Ignition Cropped Tee (black) for the fact that I have access to a brand discount through work and that I know I'll wear them again and again and again. They were close to the cut and style of tops that I was after to complete my activewear line up. 

Kowtow White t-shirt - the need for a white t-shirt was always going to get me. I can't tell you how heavily I rely on my white t-shirt throughout spring and summer. I wear it at least three times a week. My current white t-shirt from Uniqlo is starting to become see-through so it was time to upgrade before my dependency sets in. I went with my morals and ethics and bought from Well Made Clothes.

Away suitcase - Oh I really did have a breakdown to have a breakthrough this month. I also upgraded my year 11 and 12 pink Country Road duffle bag, that I have been using for the last six years as my carry on luggage, to an actual hard case suitcase with compartments and four wheels. It has been revolutionary and an excellent investment.

~ Read, watched and listened ~

Normal People by Sally Rooney -  I have been thinking about this book and its characters ever since I finished. I feel like we all know a Marianne and Connell couple, or have even been in a relationship like theirs. Now I fully understand the Sally Rooney hype, I can't wait to read Conversations With Friends!

The Loudest Voice on Stan - The Academy should make an exception for this show and give it an Oscar. Russell Crowe is terrifyingly good as the Fox News founder Roger Ailes and Sienna Miller is unrecognisable as Ailes' dutiful wife Beth. The show charts the events that lead to Fox News becoming the media behemoth it is today, and the tactics it uses to shape American conversation and in turn the American political landscape. 

~ Eats ~

Greca, Brisbane - owned by Sydney's The Apollo and Cho Cho San it goes without saying this restaurant would live up to the hype and millennial pink interiors. Make sure you order the saganaki cheese, it's to die for!

I'm going to finish this post with some pictures from The Calile because it really sparked joy throughout my entire being...

x.