Fear and self-consciousness in a Sydney cafe.

Breakfast for one at Kepos Street Kitchen

When I looked back at my family waving to me as I walked out onto the tarmac to board a one-way flight to my new Sydney life I had no idea what lay ahead. I never contemplated eating out alone would be one of those difficult challenges moving to a new city and not knowing anyone would bring.

It’s not even about spending time alone or enjoying a meal with your own company. It’s about what eating alone in a café represents for me now; that I am well and truly on my own. Not a friend within distance to be found and spontaneously called upon to try out a well-reviewed café.

Nope, just me, a brief interaction with the busy waitress and a crumpled paper, the only thing that makes the experience feel a little less awkward. A newspaper is like a pillow when I find myself alone; I bury myself in its uplifting and imaginative horoscopes and latest celebrity scandals.

There are people everywhere and being alone makes me feel self-conscious. I feel like their eyes are all burning holes into my vulnerable loneliness and judging me from afar about my lack of company. Looking to the paper for comfort I am sure the photographs are mocking me too.

It’s a ridiculous psychological infliction I have been throwing upon myself every time I enter a café or store sans friends. It’s even more ridiculous considering I would go out and about all of the time, and quite enjoy it before I moved. Being out and about on your own for an extended period of time brings insecurity and when you feel insecure the whole world knows it too. 

So what to do? Never leave the contentment of the home in dread of the awkward experience to come or get out there and give it a go? So far I have found giving it a go, and then doing it again to be helpful – just like learning how to drive, you need to keep practising. Mustering up some courage and then rewarding yourself with a nice meal, a good read and then be on your way for the day. Being alone doesn’t have to be entirely dreadful as I am starting to realise. It can be quite liberating and empowering to be at one with your own company. This experience has so far brought me a lot closer to myself. Being your own best friend is the most rewarding and long-lasting relationship we will all have so it’s important to be okay with just being on your own, even if it is just eating breakfast in a busy Sydney café.