Looking back on 2013.

With the year coming quickly to a close this evening I have spent much of today thinking in reflection; evaluating progress and ticking off goals I set out to achieve at the beginning of the year. This time last year I was on the adventure of a lifetime travelling through Japan, experiencing a different culture and a different way of living. I had my eyes open to the world, seeing and breathing all of its hope and endless possibilities. I remember sitting in a coffee shop alone on New Years Day writing out what I wanted to do this year. Among my list was continuing to blog regularly and not let it be one of those things that gets forgotten about, to intern at magazines and get my experience up with the hope of one day joining the industry, to continue my budget plan and grow my savings, and the big one: to move to Sydney and advance in my career. I can safely say that I have achieved everything I wrote down that cold morning in the Japanese coffee shop but that isn't to say that any of it was easy. I have challenged myself to grow more this year than I have ever done in my life. I have pushed myself and my boundaries to achieve my goals. I set out to do things that I knew were ambitious for me but gave them a go anyway. Moving has been the most challenging, confronting experience I have ever faced but hey, I did it and it all worked out fine. Job hunting was painful with a lack of responses but I have been fortunate enough to land nicely in a place where I have found it to be more exciting and rewarding than the world of magazines that I originally had my heart set on. This year has been full of hard work, self-doubt, perseverance and surprises. It has been a good year, the most rewarding one yet. I plan on keeping my 2014 goals simple: to work hard at my new job and make new friends in Sydney.

Summer goals.

 

 Image from A well traveled woman

Summer holidays are so close I can smell the salty sea water on my skin.

I haven't had a proper 'don't work do nothing' type of holiday since my high-school days. I have either been working ridiculous hours at my old two casual jobs or like last year doing a little bit of traveling (which I consider a semi holiday because you don't have to work but it's by no means a 'do nothing' experience).

So as the last working week of the year quickly ticks away I think it's a good time to think about what I want to achieve on this rare occasion of a fully fledged 'do nothing' holiday.

• Go the whole 4 weeks without wearing my watch
• Wear no makeup except for going out to dinner and drinks with friends
• Let my hair dry naturally after a swim in the ocean and enjoy its authentic beachiness
• Keep technology to a minimum - I am leaving my laptop at home and only bring back my phone and camera
• Have a day/multiple days in Byron sunning myself at the beach, exploring and most importantly eating at my favourite Mexican restaurant Miss Margarita
• Practice my new skill, crocheting, every day
• Exercise daily* - whether it be a walk along the sand, doing some laps or going for a run. *except for Christmas Day of course
• Keep everything simple

And that's all. Simple, simple, simple. Embrace relaxation, embrace the calmness and just enjoy.

Summertime happiness.

Finally Sydney has started warming up to the heat that I live for in summer. The kind of heat where you can leave your hair wet and it keeps you cool after a cold shower. The kind of heat that kisses your skin with a slight shimmer. The kind of heat where it is acceptable to sleep in only your best underpants.

I can feel it now, that summer is well and truly here. It’s my favourite time of the year. The time when I feel most like myself. Warm, spirited and longing for adventure.

This summer I will spend days lazing about by the ocean with the sand between my toes and a book in my hands taking intermittent dips into the salty blue water. I will come back to the beach for late afternoon swims under the pastel skys. I will eat my weight in mangoes, peaches, apricots, nectarines, grapes and watermelons. I will catch up with friends over smoothies, juices and iced coffees. I will take a two-day road trip with the most adventurous person I know. I will lounge around with my family under a fan with lemonade ice-blocks when the sun becomes all a bit too much.

What I am looking forward to most is a simple, relaxed, well spent summer with the people that I love...

Fear and self-consciousness in a Sydney cafe.

Breakfast for one at Kepos Street Kitchen

When I looked back at my family waving to me as I walked out onto the tarmac to board a one-way flight to my new Sydney life I had no idea what lay ahead. I never contemplated eating out alone would be one of those difficult challenges moving to a new city and not knowing anyone would bring.

It’s not even about spending time alone or enjoying a meal with your own company. It’s about what eating alone in a café represents for me now; that I am well and truly on my own. Not a friend within distance to be found and spontaneously called upon to try out a well-reviewed café.

Nope, just me, a brief interaction with the busy waitress and a crumpled paper, the only thing that makes the experience feel a little less awkward. A newspaper is like a pillow when I find myself alone; I bury myself in its uplifting and imaginative horoscopes and latest celebrity scandals.

There are people everywhere and being alone makes me feel self-conscious. I feel like their eyes are all burning holes into my vulnerable loneliness and judging me from afar about my lack of company. Looking to the paper for comfort I am sure the photographs are mocking me too.

It’s a ridiculous psychological infliction I have been throwing upon myself every time I enter a café or store sans friends. It’s even more ridiculous considering I would go out and about all of the time, and quite enjoy it before I moved. Being out and about on your own for an extended period of time brings insecurity and when you feel insecure the whole world knows it too. 

So what to do? Never leave the contentment of the home in dread of the awkward experience to come or get out there and give it a go? So far I have found giving it a go, and then doing it again to be helpful – just like learning how to drive, you need to keep practising. Mustering up some courage and then rewarding yourself with a nice meal, a good read and then be on your way for the day. Being alone doesn’t have to be entirely dreadful as I am starting to realise. It can be quite liberating and empowering to be at one with your own company. This experience has so far brought me a lot closer to myself. Being your own best friend is the most rewarding and long-lasting relationship we will all have so it’s important to be okay with just being on your own, even if it is just eating breakfast in a busy Sydney café.