November. I have a very strong belief in that everything happens for a reason. Things happen to teach you something, to make you grow, to protect you, to challenge you, to keep you evolving. Last month I wrote of October being a month of rest and taking life slow. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I know I needed that month to charge my batteries for what was ahead. I feel like I've had some pretty big months this year, but November takes the cake. It wasn't all bad, in fact, I spent lots of time celebrating life, housewarmings, babies and birthdays with some of my best friends in Sydney and couldn't be more grateful to have such wonderful people in my life.
I also found myself at a funeral, for the third time this year, and dealing with the loss of someone who had played a part in my every day working life for the last six years. My friend had lived a big and full life but met a swift end after his long battle with cancer intensified. He was someone that I looked up to very much, I enjoyed being in his company, hearing his stories - he was the most brilliant story teller I have ever encountered - and learning the tricks of the trade from him. On hearing how ill he was when he was admitted to palliative care, I didn't want to see him in a frail state and that be my last memory of him. I was also so overwhelmed with emotion and not knowing what to say, and fear that I might just combust into tears, that I thought I would let him go and remember him the last time I saw him, when he was jovial and happy, but concealing his illness. Sometimes I don't know what is best for myself and I need to be pushed by others who know better than me. I am so deeply moved that I have people in my life who spot me and push me to correct course because they know me that little bit better than I know myself. Hamish made me go to the hospital to say my goodbyes with him and I will never forget those last moments we all had together as a little work team. Saying goodbye forever is never easy but I now know to take the opportunity when it comes because it is so important to let the people in your life know that you love them and care about them. I will hold those moments, and my friendship with Hamish, close forever.
In the midst of helping where we could with the things that needed to be arranged, I went back to the Gold Coast for less than 24 hours to see my beautiful youngest sister graduate high school. My Mum had my sister when I was 12 years old and despite being all grown up and finished high school, she is still a baby to me. Occasions where we can get together as a family unit are rare, and for a good reason, but there is always something special about the five of us just being together for whatever time Mum and Dad can manage not to hate one another. We were even able to get a family photo together, which is the first one we've had since Ruby graduated high school nearly six years ago.
Despite all of the heaviness and melancholy this month, and as with life, there was still room for delight and enjoyment. The jacaranda trees on our street, and all across Sydney, exploded with their beautiful purple flowers. The millions of green jasmine bushes burst into white with their tiny flowers giving off the most exquisite scent. Feeding the pair of lorikeets who come to visit us daily. Creating an Instagram Story of my sourdough bread making process that so many people have reached out to me to say they loved it. Discovering a cool cafe near our place and making the effort to go once a week in the morning before work to have coffee and catch up. Trying out reformer pilates and living to tell the story.
Levi and I also found some time to walk to the Art Gallery of NSW to see the free public art exhibition that was on. The act of going to the Gallery, especially in times of grief and hardship, always give me solace, comfort and a small sense of wonder that becomes the spark of reigniting the fire burning within. Whether it is music, paintings, writing, film, comedy - these art practices play such a huge and important role to not only me personally, but to community, culture, society and life itself. Art, in all of its disciplines, is created by human beings who are trying to express and make sense of our existence. After all, Prince said it best with the lyric "Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to get through this thing called life" and what better way to do it than by enjoying art in all of its forms.
Throughout the month I let go of some of my healthy habits to see how I feel without them. Which is code for saying that my Headspace subscription is up and I haven't renewed it, and I've hardly been to yoga. At first I didn't notice anything different about whether I meditated or not, but as it's now been a couple of weeks I can see just how much meditation helps keep me focused, calm and clear. Even sitting down to write this journal has been false-start after false-start by all of the little distractions that my mind has come up with to get me "ready" to write - e.g. watch a video to inspire you, open blog, make tea, sit down, start writing, kettle goes off, get up again, sit back down, write a few more words, now I'm hungry, make breakfast, eat breakfast whilst watching videos to get you in the mood to write, now ready to write again, wait, no, you need to clean up your bowl etc etc. The best I have felt this whole year is when I was doing that two-week High Vibrational Challenge and I think about that a lot, and how I want to get back there. I just need to act upon it.
~ New In - The Secondhand Edition ~
There were actually two new things that I brought this month. As my closet is predominantly black and white, I needed something colourful to wear to the funeral. He loved colour so I wanted to wear something subtle but not black so I bought pink Lee Mathews top that was on sale. After purchasing it I realised that it might not arrive in time for the funeral so I ordered another midi-length dress as a back up. I found the whole idea of dressing for this funeral so stressful because I didn't want to wear black, and it needs to be appropriate, but I didn't really like anything that I found online or in-store. I ended up wearing the dress, and not being able to return the top so I kept both. Now I don't really want to wear the dress again so I'm not sure what I'll do with it... maybe just keep it for now and sell it down the track.
~ Read, watched and listened ~
The Sunday papers - I have been making an effort to buy The Sunday Telegraph and The Sun-Herald on Sundays to keep up-to-date with news, current affairs, and the industry that I work in.
The Crown - season three - The new era of The Crown didn't disappoint. I love the new cast and am fascinated by Prince Charles and Princess Anne's early 20s. One criticism that I have is that I feel the viewer has missed a lot of character progression and growth.
~ Eats ~
Primary Coffee's incredible, crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside choc-chip cookie with flakes of salt on top. I want to eat one every day.
x.
No comments:
Post a Comment